Top 10 List for 10/3/09

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"Wake Up!! This game isn't that boring is it?"

The Top Ten Sounds overheard in the Southeast this weekend

10. Giggling - Even though trying to keep it classy, most non-Clemson fans simply can't keep from expressing their humorous disbelief that Clemson lost to a Maryland team that was owned by Rutgers, and had to take James Madison to Overtime.

9. Dry Heaving - There's nothing quite like seeing someone vomit on live television. Was that LSU player made nauseous by the ridiculous officiating? Or maybe it was because he was in the only SEC stadium other than Death Valley where one is forced to dodge projectiles filled with a certain warm liquid.

8. Hardening Arteries, Part I ----- Fans visiting the stadium/nightclub in Arlington Texas for the Arkansas/Texas A&M debacle were forced to fend off the deep fried delicacies of the Texas State Fair. Seriously, who can turn down Chicken-Fried Bacon?

7. Gut busting guffawing - How could anyone not get a kick out of Lou Holtz's saliva laden salvo on Mark May following Notre Dame's removal of a horseshoe from their hindparts and subsequent victory over Washington? The look on May's face as well as the moisture on his glasses was priceless.

6. Yawning - Did anyone watch the "slug-fest" between Virginia and North Carolina? I didn't, but I put it on in the other room to help get my daughter to sleep.

5. Hardening Arteries, Part II ---- various wire reports made it known that an obese man had to be rushed to the emercency room from a barbeque buffet. No one would confirm the identity of the man, but sources requesting anonymity reported that a man fitting the description of Phillip Fulmer was reportedly saying "I got fired? And replaced by who?.......Damn, this is good barbeque." just before collapsing.

4. Teeth gritting - How could anyone not grimace when presented with Houston Nutt's postgame press conference? Sure, he's a heck of a motivator. All he has to do is coach against teams with less talent.

3. Heavy Sighing - Gamecock loyalists watching ESPN Classic were rewarded for their nearly two hour wait just to be given the news that USC was leading SC State 10-7 at the half.

2. Paper shuffling - The sound made by nearly every resident of the bluegrass state as they flipped their calendars to November to see when basketball practice starts for Calipari's cats.

1. Respectful silence - It is after all the end of an era. The Bobby Bowden/Mickey Andrews/Jimbo Fisher marriage can't handle much more stress. Can Florida State even buy a game? Of course, they bought all those in the 90's.

Justin F. Cannon
Jcannon66@gmail.com